YA lyublyu vse gnevnyye russkiy detyam, kotoryye grokhnuli mamu i skazala, chto glotayet...
Oh wait, there we go, turned my angry russian translator off. phew
Anyway, this game is gr8 if you want cancer from angry children who have `F`ucked your mum and
said she swallows, or getting it from smurfs who `f`uck up your day, make you uninstall Counter Strike,
sell all your skins in a market crash and leave CS:GO for approximately 4.35 minutes until eventually you
cant resist the cancerous tempation of those angry Russians mic spamming `_C_ykaaaaaaaaaa,
`F`ucking noob team, stupid ????ing russian.Vodka.Putin.where is the aim down sights`, so eventually you buy all your
pixels back for a couple thousand pounds, rob a bank because you are in debt and steal mummy`s credit card.
So what im trying to say is if you speak English you`re going to get `r`aped by putin`s army who will destroy you,
the constant battle against the russians can only be stopped by ranking up in the `s`hittiest match making of all time.
Once you have reached a decent rank with some middleage american smurf you can finally relax and put your feet up:
im joking ofcourse; you now have an even bigger problem Russki `f`ucking hackers who will stop at nothing to destroy
those already arthritic hands of yours with their `xray specs` and `great aim`.
If you do reach an eternal low in CS:GO cases might seem like a viable option right?right?anyone? mabye i`ll open one
and see what i get.....OMFG NO WAY HOLY ???? I GOT A ????ING BLUE!!!!! IT MUST BE A SIGN, i`ll open a couple more
and i will clearly get a knife.
3 HOURS LATER
Well that was the most success i`ve ever had in a case unboxing, i got 498 blues, 1 purple and one holy stat trak purple,
it must sell for loaads on the market right?right? WRONG `M`OTHER `F`UCKER THAT `B`ITCH IS ONLY WORTH 26p.
After finished opening cases and being kicked out of the house for stealing money and buying cases you live in
internet cafes and play CS all day long, and then one night eveing a man, with a might beard and large pelvic bulge appears in the door, he whispers to you in a low gravelly voice `i can show you`, you dont know what makes you but you get up and follow this mysterious man; he introduces himself as Gabe, Gabe Newall; you try to protest about your whereabouts but he gently places a chubby finger against your lips. You follow into a dark room at the back of the store and find the holy grail of Counter Strike and all it`s history, the most magnificent thing of all time, without it you are nothing but a flithy noob. It glimmers in your hands and you look up at Gabe. Gabe quickly snatches it off you `No, this Karambit slaughter is mine you `f`ucking idiot, yours is over there` you look into the dingy corner and you cant believe your eyes as you stare at your mighty gift; it is the holy p90 sand dune battle scarred. As you pick it up you feel a warmth flow through you. You join a match making server and buy that delicious p90, it doesnt matter that your team are all russki, this is it. As you buy the p90 your team shout `BOOSTED SILVER NOOB GO BACK TO COD`, but it doesnt matter; until you see it..... a little box appears at the left side of your screen, it reads `Kick Dank Trout`, as the accepts rack up your brow fills with sweat, you can hardly breath until... it happens, you are kicked from the cancer dust 2 game and have a seven day cooldown... At which point you decide enough is enough, you take your moniter off your desk and proceed to curb stomp that `b`itch like Issac Clarke from deadspace.
11/10 would russki again.