I am not responsible for any of the following events which may occur while you read this guide:Swollen feetSudden rash on lower abdomenPoor circulationBotched plastic surgeryAmerica invades Canada for their delicious maple syrupSudden knowledge of a foreign languageGet knocked out by a French dudeRealization that you did not know a single word in said foriegn languageBooty-itisTransformation into an eagleThe mortality rate in your state increasesRealization that the original Transformers is techinically an animeYour friend calls you drunk and asks you to pick him upHe was in a sketchy neighborhood and someone stole your hubcapsHave a conversation with Samuel L. JacksonGet invited to that girl you have a crush on's houseIt was a lie and now you're in sex traffickingIf at any time you become offended by this guide, please message me at the following email:[email protected]: Spelling mistakes will be corrected. Probably.

When a player's head happens to fall in front of a teammate's crosshairs, this is what occurs. Usually the aftermath is riddled with vulgarities and various derogatory terms.Skills:Team KillingMaking excusesPretending like nothing happened seconds after something horrible has happenedWeaknesses:Being called namesBeing reportedFavorite Pastime: Eating green veggies.Likes: Long walks by the beach.

Not to be confused with the Your-Mom-Banger, the Wallbanger has extensive knowledge of walling spots and uses this to one-up their opponents. Their opponents are usually not too fond of it.SkillsWallbangingInfuriating new playersLooking like a hackerWeaknessesBeing mistaken for a hackerBetter wallbangersFavorite Pastime: Cookies and milk.Likes: Long walks by the buffet.

When they're not stalking high school girls on Facebook or illegally downloading the hottest media from various torrents, they're making everyone's digital gaming experience a living hell.Skills:Downloading hacksWeaknesses:Our Lord GabenVACFavorite Pastime: Watching reruns of SeinfieldLikes: Long walks by the internet cafe.How to Spot Them:

Doesn't speak single positive English word and typically aggressive fellow komrades. умение:Speaking Russian, tongue of fatherlandTearing down self-confidence of Amerikantsy, aмериканцыWeaknesses:CapitalismFavorite Pass Time: Playing Dota 2 and asking Kotol to giff chakra magik or keel him.Likes: Long walk by beautiful communist Moscow. How to spot them:Note bear in background, Russian draws most of Putin-like strength from mighty bears of Russian North.

Refuses to use conventional weapons.Skills:Blindly running around corners holding left mouse buttonSomehow killing multiple enemies simultaneously that are all of higher skillWeaknesses:Running out of bulletsFavorite Pastime: Reading Better Homes & GardensLikes: Long walks by the shortbusHow to Spot Them:

The casual player is laid back, kind and willing to help newer players. He is sympathetic and determined, a real team player.Skills:Playing CS:GONever missing a friend's party or eventMultilingualPlays a variety of instrumentsHas an educationWeaknesses:CompetitiveFavorite Pastime: Drinking Mike's Hard LemonadeLikes: Long walks by the 9/11 Memorial, he cares for our country and so should youHow to Spot Them:

Unshaven, unclean, rude, ugly and vile. The competitive player is a selfish hermit who strives for one thing: victory for himself.Skills:CompetitiveWeaknesses:No friendsNo dignityNo lifeRacistFavorite Pastime: Insulting Brazilians on CompetitiveLikes: Long walks inside his house to the fridge to get more cheap beer.How to Spot Them:

His age is as ambiguous as his accent, and some even argue that he's from another planet entirely, but we can all agree that Tommy Wiseau is quite possibly the greatest thing to come from the internet since porn itself.Skills:Making terrific films, for you, LisaBeing nice guy, yea?Talking without showing emotion, ha, I don't drink you know that!Not hitting women, I did not hit her it's not true, it's ???????? I did not hit her, I did not, oh hi, Mark!"Weaknesses:Im tired, Im wasted, I love you darling!Ha you're just a chicken cheep cheep cheep cheep cheeeeep!Everybody betrayed me I fed up with this woorrrldYou're tearing me apart, Lisa!Favorite Pastime: participating in awkwardly long sex scenes, anything for you, my princess!Likes: Long walks by the hahaha, what a story, Mark!How to Spot Them:(skip to about 4:15, unless you want to experience the most awkward sex scene in existence)

The drunk guy is an interesting player; he seems to be barely competent at anything other than discussing his girlfriend's genitals or seemingly controlling the extent of which his speech is slurred, however he's not all that bad. Until he starts screaming.Skills:Discussing his girlfriend's genitalsSlurred speechScreamingTelling nonsensical stories that often overlap into irrelevant stories that are even more absurdWeaknesses:His girlfriend overhearing him talk about her genitalsGetting soberFalling asleepFavorite Pastime: Getting drunk.Likes: Long walks by the *hic* bar.Note: If two Drunk Guy's are in the same server leave immediately.Note 2: Their screaming will only increase as the game goes on. There is nothing you can do but wait it out.How to spot them:

Once a girl opens her mouth and speaks with the talk button pressed noises come out and into the microphone. These noises travel through the interweb airwaves and through the Illuminati database where they eventually end up in the ears of every player on the same server. A silent chain reaction occurs causing the following:

• Males speak in a deeper voice
• Awkwardness
• Other girls will now talk where they were previously silent
• Awkwardness

SkillsIs really good at distractionEasily underestimatedHas women's rightsWeaknessesHas periodFavorite Pastime: Knitting. I think.Likes: Long walks by Comic Con to cosplay.How to Spot Them:The internet has taught me that they either look like this:Or this:There is no in between.

Some guy.Skills:Drinking knockoff soft drinksCampingMic spammingWeaknesses:A job Can't take a bath ever since Nightmare on Elm StreetAnimeFavorite Pastime: Weeping hysterically while watching Days of Our LivesLikes: Long walks by the South Central Los Angeles of '92How to Spot Them:

As if dominating Starcraft 2 and Dota wasn't enough for them, the Asians have invaded our beloved CS:GO. I love Asian people but stereotypical Asian video gamers are evil.Skills:Inexplicably good at everythingRemember that sick play you did that one time? Yea well Wing Ping Dong over here has done it seventy three times and is doing it right now. Better than you did.Weaknesses:You think it has a weakness?Favorite Pass Time: Math HomeworkLikes: Long walks by the math.How to spot them:

IMMM THE CREAMMM OF THE CROPPP OHH YYEEAAAAA I ONCE ELBOW DROPPED A SHARK IN THE PACIFIC OCEANNNNN AND THE OCEAN SAID "OH DAMN MACHO MANNNNN WHY YOU GOTTA ELBOW DROP ME SO HARDDD" AND I SAID "SHUT UP OCEANNN IM MACHOO MANN OHH YEEAAA TAKE IT LIKE A MANNN" AND THEN GOD WAS LIKE "YOU CANT DO THAT TO THE OCEANNNN" AND I TOLD GOD "OH YEA WELL WATCH THIS" AND I ELBOW DROPPED THE OCEANNNN AGAINNNN OHHH YYYEEAAAAA AND THEN GOD SAID "WHY AREN'T YOU USING PERIODS IN THIS ENTIRE USELESS PARAGRAPH" AND I SAID BECAUSE MACHO MANNNN ONLY USES RUN ON SENTENCES AND ALL CAPITAL LETTERS TO GET THE POINT ACROSS THAT IMMMMM THE CREAMM OF THE CROP, OH YEA AND THERE'S NO ONE THAT DOES IT BETTERRRRRR OHHHHH YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *explodes*RIP Macho Man. The ocean will never be the same.Skills:Advertising Slim JimsElbow dropping the oceanShouting at GodWeaknesses:Running out of Slim JimsFavorite Pastime: Being the cream of the crop. Likes: Long walks by the Slim Jim factory.

I've actually given this subject much thought, regrettably, too much thought. Instead of simply calling bronies any number of emasculating names I have pulled a number of theories out of my booty pipe that could possibly give us an answer to the Brony phenomona.Other than the whole brony fad being brought on by the Illuminati, I also think that people are bronies because of this simple fact: it's different.In being different it is therefore cool or 'hip' to be a part of it as it's not mainstream or normal. It's not normal because society says the show is only watched by young girls, but a large group of males across the world have said "Nuh-uh we watch it too huehuehue."It has a large passionate following because they are publicly (and obnoxiously) demonstrating their love for something society deems 'girly', and in doing so they are nonconforming to society and becoming part of a large cult.Am I a brony? No, simply because my vast intelligence allowed me to pick up on the underlying reasons for this fad. No man actually likes ponies, he likes what liking ponies gives him. It gives him a reason to be different. It gives him a family. It gives him immunity to the Illuminati when the New World Order is established.If you disagree with what I have stated above know this, I'm lactose intolerant, autistic and my uncle is Gaben. Skills:Using ponies as a profile pictureReligious-like zealotry for a children's television showWeaknesses:Sexual attraction to ponies can be used against them in various waysHow to Spot Them:

Skills:Looking fakeBeing hugeAffinity for anacondasWeaknesses:Anything sharp that might bust the fake booty gel.Favorite Pastime: Being on the cover of horrible music albums.Likes: Long walks by the plastic surgeon.How to Spot Them:

???????? ?? ?? ?????? ???? ??? ????? ???? ?????? ????. ???? ??? ??? ??????? ??? ???? ????? ??? ?????? ????. ?? ??? ??????? ???? ?????? ??? ?????? ?? ???? ?? ????? ??????. ????? ?????? ?????. ?? ??? ????? ??????? ???? ????!SkillsAllah akbarWeaknessesAllah akbar?Favorite pass time: Allah akbar-ing.Likes: Long walks by the Allah Akbar.Note: ???? ????How to Spot Them:

*incomprehensible gibberish* *swallows* oh wow this burrito is so good.Skills:EatingCookingTalking with a full mouthTelling everyone what they're eatingWeaknesses:Using their handsSharing their foodNo one understands themFavorite Pastime: *incomprehensible gibberish*, this is a delicious caramel apple!Likes: Long walks by the, hold on let me take a bite of this pumpkin pie, *incomprehensible gibberish*

Justice. *smoke bomb* *grapnel gun*"Hey, where'd he go?"Skills:Martial artsMimicking throat cancerHas the hottest villians Weaknesses:Dead parents is a sensitive subjectPale skin How to Spot Them:

Skills:Being Ron JeremyHaving a masters in educationWeaknesses:Hasn't aged well

Thank you for reading my guide, I hope it was useful to you and that you will live wrong and casper.If you enjoyed this guide, or hated it and want to see more of my stupidity, please read my other guides. Thank you and goodbye.Goddess bless.Note: I plan on adding more to this guide, more entries will be added as I think of them. :D